Wednesday, December 29, 2010

SUV Driver Tries To Destroy Rest Stop, Fails

It's not just that SUVs use more oil hurting our national security, are a terrible investment & make the roads less safe for all of us.

It's that the people who drive them tend to be giant douches.

I'm not saying you're automatically a giant douche if you drive an SUV. But the day you buy one, you are joining a club dominated by douches. The Green Miles was driving back from Christmas with family in Massachusetts this weekend & had not one but two encounters with members of that select club.

At a rest stop in Connecticut, I was about to help The Green Mom get across the slush into the passenger side of the car when a giant Canyonero pulled into the next parking spot about six inches away from my door - then gave me a look like, "Well, you should've known I was coming." I might've said something ("Nice minivan" came to mind) but he had kids with him, so I just backed up my car, mom got in & we were on our way.

Later we stopped for gas & an SUV driver decided he'd come up with a way to beat the long lines for gas for vehicles that fill up on the left side: He'd pull up to a right-filling pump & pull the hose around to the other side.  Brilliant! What could go wrong?

As I finished filling up my car & put the nozzle back, I looked up and there was gas literally gushing out of his tank as he obliviously stared at the price meter. The hose was stretched so far that apparently the nozzle didn't make it all the way into the tank & the auto shutoff hadn't registered. His brain wasn't much of a blowout preventer, either.

The SUV driver was unaware - serenely watching the numbers as his shoes, rear wheel & tailpipe were soaked in a fountain of gasoline - I wasn't even sure whether to yell at first. "Hey! Is that gasoline?" I said.

"Oh," he said as he finally realized what was going on, "Thanks." He made no effort to clean the gasoline off himself or his car, didn't alert the attendant and immediately hopped back into his SUV & drove off, still oblivious to the world. Douche.
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