Inspecting Your Child's Halloween Candy Scares Them For No Reason

There is no such thing as poisoned candy or razor-bladed apples - it's an urban legend that does not happen in real life.

But that hasn't stopped generations of parents from telling generations of kids (like me!) that Halloween candy must be inspected carefully before eating because while our neighbors may seem nice and generous, in fact TONIGHT ONE OF THEM MAY MAKE AN ATTEMPT ON YOUR LIFE.

The myth of booby-trapped candy seems plausible at first, but quickly falls apart. When I was a kid, I could've told you exactly who gave me what candy at which house. If someone wants to hurt the children in their neighborhood, poisoning candy is no more anonymous than trying to wring their necks right there on the porch. Repeating this myth and inspecting candy scares our children for no reason. After all, you don't inspect every piece of candy (or any other food) from the grocery store, and that would be much easier to taint anonymously - there's just no urban legend surrounding grocery store candy.

The other damaging part of the myth is that we teach our children that packaged candy is "safe," but fruit, nuts or anything else not packaged is not, so our children end up eating nothing but sugar on Halloween. As John Oliver explains, that's actually the real danger at the scale Americans eat it (read more in Mother Jones):

John Oliver: Climate Science Facts Aren't Up For Debate

When John Oliver filled in for Jon Stewart last summer, it revealed an inconvenient truth for fans of The Daily Show: The vacation replacement was funnier than the permanent host.

Now Oliver has his own show on HBO called Last Week Tonight. On Sunday, Oliver sounded like he was about to go after climate science deniers, but his true target was the television bookers who put them in debates that make us all dumber:

Definitive Proof Big Oil Has No Sense of Humor

The Green Fiancee and I headed to the DC Improv recently to see the standup act of John Oliver, a correspondent for The Daily Show.

About halfway through his set, Oliver noticed a man in the front row of tables was texting. Oliver began giving him some good-natured ribbing. But rather than owning up to his faux pas and having a laugh about it, the man told Oliver to buzz off and continued texting.

If there's any way to earn yourself more insults from a comic, it's to act annoyed by his insults. Oliver had the audience in stitches as the man fumed.

Oliver moved on, but a few minutes later, Oliver stopped in the middle of a joke -- texting man was at it again. But this time, he wasn't having any of Oliver digs -- the man and the woman he was with got up and stormed out.

Texting man and his companion had been with another couple, and Oliver apologized to them if he'd caused any trouble. Oliver expressed amazement someone with absolutely no interest in his comedy would bother coming to the show. The couple said they'd bought the tickets and invited the other two.

"What does he do for a living?" Oliver asked.

"He's a lobbyist," the woman replied, "for the American Petroleum Institute."

It must've taken a solid two minutes for the audience's laughter to die down.

"Ninety-five percent of me enjoyed giving him a hard time, but five percent had felt a little guilty," Oliver said. "Not anymore."