Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Brooklyn Nets to Sell "Brooklynized" Bottled Water, Test Bounds of Human Gullibility

When the Nets basketball team moves to its new arena in Brooklyn, it will sell its fans "Brooklynized" bottled water. You see, apparently people from New York City, not unlike the parents of Lake Wobegon's entirely-above-average children, have convinced themselves their tap water is exceptional.

But this is not Brooklyn tap water put into bottles - no, that would make too much sense for the nonsensical business of bottled water. A company in Florida will take Florida tap water, do little more than play Jay Z's Empire State of Mind for it, then declare it "Brooklynized" and sell it to Nets fans for god knows how much:
The water comes from a new but rapidly growing Florida-based, Larry King–approved franchise, the Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Co., which claims it's found the secret to making great bagels: "Brooklynize" the water via a custom filtration process so it resembles "Brooklyn" water, which of course is actually just New York City water. (The company says the water itself comes from "regional bottling facilities.")

At least one person is already going after "Brooklynized" water. The Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel reported last week that a franchise buyer in Florida sued the company, claiming that "the water filtration system is not unique and does not render water equivalent to Brooklyn water." And, yes, the buyer is going after Larry King, too. The company, unsurprisingly, denies the allegations.
As Norman Oder points out at the New York Magazine blog, "arena operators could simply turn on the taps and fill empty bottles with authentic Brooklyn water. But we guess a move like that would lack a certain capitalist zeal."

To repeat: There is no evidence bottled water will make you any healthier or happier than tap water. However, there is plenty of evidence it will make you significantly poorer than if you just brought a refillable mug or bottle with you.

We are all dumber for having heard this idea. Nets owner Bruce Ratner, I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.

Via Deadspin
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