Won't Someone Think of the Drunk Assholes

Some San Diego Chargers fans are threatening to cancel their season tickets if the city builds a downtown, transit-friendly stadium because the lack of a large surface parking lot would mean they can't tailgate before the game.

As a huge football fan who rarely goes to games due to both the trouble of parking and huge numbers of shitfaced assholes (also, the expensive tickets), I wonder if the Chargers would be gaining a lot more fans than they lose. 

Green Monster: Red Sox Cash In With Car-Focused Spring Training Park

Remember how the otherwise-green-conscious Red Sox moved to a new spring training facility called JetBlue Park in Fort Myers, FL that virtually forces you to drive there? Turns out there's plenty of green motivation behind the lack of transit and bike parking - the cash kind:

Fort Myers’ coffers retained parking fees collected from Red Sox games under the terms of the city’s 1991 contract.

Today, the teams keep all the money generated from game day parking, tickets sales, concessions and advertising, while the county pays for expansions that increased the teams’ ability to sell those items.

As the article details, Lee County is on the hook for hundreds of millions of dollars in ballpark costs while the Red Sox and nearby Twins owe only a small fraction of that in lease payments - and that doesn't cover the cost for road expansion & maintenance to bring all those cars to JetBlue Park.

But even with the driving mandate and JetBlue Park's total lack of solar energy despite the park's Sunshine State location, the Red Sox still got a baseline LEED green building certification, because the U.S. Green Building Council apparently is now giving them away to anyone who recycles.

NBA Green(washing) Week

It's the National Basketball Association's Green Week, but in 2012 is simply recycling enough to call yourself green?

The Natural Resources Defense Council has positioned itself as the go-to organization for sports leagues looking to go green. It's had some success getting Major League Baseball and the National Hockey League to measure energy usage. But other leagues like the NBA and National Football League seem to be doing the bare minimum - recycling & a few service projects with no league-wide efforts to even measure carbon pollution, never mind cut it - while still getting to plaster NRDC's green seal of approval on their websites.

Not that organic cotton jerseys aren't cool, but ... even the NBA/NRDC video announcing the partnership shows an NBA arena surrounded by a sea of cars next to a busy highway. All you have to do is recycle your empty water bottle before you get back in your SUV and consider the planet saved!

Red Sox Get Bigger Footprint: Sprawling Spring Park Skimps on Green

Given that Fenway Park is a green diamond, I was surprised to find on a recent trip to Florida that the new Boston Red Sox spring training facility, is the least-environmentally conscious new sports venue I've visited in recent years. And if they couldn't get JetBlue Park's green right, is it any wonder they also screwed up the height of its Green Monster?

"Environmentally-sustainable features will be incorporated throughout the facility and Complex, and the considerable landscaping will feature vegetation indigenous to the area," reads the JetBlue Park website. It's hard to tell exactly what that means, or whether more ambitious environmental efforts will be undertaken down the road. But how do you build a new ballpark with no solar panels in Florida, one of the states most threatened by global warming?

JetBlue Park's meager positive environmental measures are more than offset by its sprawling location. While its predecessor, City of Palms Stadium, was located in the center of the city, JetBlue Park is 10 miles outside central Fort Myers. That meant the vast majority of fans had to drive and most of them came came off the same exit of I-75, backing up traffic for miles. Even if the stadium was powered with 100% renewable energy, its carbon footprint would still be high because it asks 12,000 fans each game to drive so far outside the city.

And the fans who did take advantage of the ideal biking weather in Florida in March didn't get an ideal reception:

For the grand opening of jetBlue Park, 300 people biked to the new stadium. Those cyclists saved about 2-3 acres of parking. When asked, 76-percent of the bicyclists said they wanted to bike to future games. But jetBlue Park only has permanent bike racks for 50 bikes, with some temporary French barricades on standby.

Given the messed-up Monster, bad traffic and brutally long lines at concession stands, I didn't find the dearth of environmental amenities surprising. I've come to think of a venue's lack of green features as Van Halen viewed brown M&Ms - a warning sign that someone's just going through the motions. Poor environmental planning often goes hand in hand with a poorly thought-out overall customer experience.

Brooklyn Nets to Sell "Brooklynized" Bottled Water, Test Bounds of Human Gullibility

When the Nets basketball team moves to its new arena in Brooklyn, it will sell its fans "Brooklynized" bottled water. You see, apparently people from New York City, not unlike the parents of Lake Wobegon's entirely-above-average children, have convinced themselves their tap water is exceptional.

But this is not Brooklyn tap water put into bottles - no, that would make too much sense for the nonsensical business of bottled water. A company in Florida will take Florida tap water, do little more than play Jay Z's Empire State of Mind for it, then declare it "Brooklynized" and sell it to Nets fans for god knows how much:

The water comes from a new but rapidly growing Florida-based, Larry King–approved franchise, the Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Co., which claims it's found the secret to making great bagels: "Brooklynize" the water via a custom filtration process so it resembles "Brooklyn" water, which of course is actually just New York City water. (The company says the water itself comes from "regional bottling facilities.")

At least one person is already going after "Brooklynized" water. The Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel reported last week that a franchise buyer in Florida sued the company, claiming that "the water filtration system is not unique and does not render water equivalent to Brooklyn water." And, yes, the buyer is going after Larry King, too. The company, unsurprisingly, denies the allegations.

As Norman Oder points out at the New York Magazine blog, "arena operators could simply turn on the taps and fill empty bottles with authentic Brooklyn water. But we guess a move like that would lack a certain capitalist zeal."

To repeat: There is no evidence bottled water will make you any healthier or happier than tap water. However, there is plenty of evidence it will make you significantly poorer than if you just brought a refillable mug or bottle with you.

We are all dumber for having heard this idea. Nets owner Bruce Ratner, I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.




Via Deadspin